walkingstix

I HATE GETTING FAT ON VACATION!!! I can’t even enjoy myself because of it. Ffffuuuucccckkkkk

Never thought I’d be mad about weighing 117… mom is going to be PISSED. and I am officially freaking the FUCK out. I’ve now got to gain as much weight as possible in the next 2 days. Holy shit.

Mom is freaking out. She saw a picture of me on Facebook and said I was so thin she barely recognized me… I blew up on the phone with her. I feel bad about that but mind your own damn business! They come in like four days. Lots of cleaning to do until then… ugh

This whole “get fat in a week” thing isn’t fun. Barely through day two, and I’m already feeling too fat. I haven’t weighed in days… already planning ways to take it off. I think I may just say “fuck it”. If they think I’m too skinny, fuck them. I’m fine. Besides, I want to look good in graduation pictures. I can eat normally around them for a week, but since I’ll be around them all the time in NYC, I wont be able to hide my weight loss. Oh well.

Hour 24 of being awake. Despite only three hours of sleep last night and zero since, I’m still rolling. I attribute my all nighter to coffee, three Monster Zeros, 20 g of Prozac and 130 mg of Vyvanse…all within the last 24 hours without food. Not safe, but I’m still going. I just can’t allow myself to sit still for long. Roughly 12 hours until I can sleep. Counting them down.

118.5 yesterday, which was surprising after all I ate. We had late-night Whataburger after the bar, so I didn’t weigh today.

My psychiatrist is worried about my vyvanse making me lose weight because I’m “pretty thin already”, according to her.

Dyed my hair darker yesterday. I love it. Aaron loves it. Maybe it’ll make up for the fact that my boobs have shrunk…

I need to put on some weight before I see the family in two weeks. I’ve lost about 15 lbs since I last saw them, and mom said I was getting too thin and would worry if I lost much more. I told her my meds have made me lose about 5 lbs, which is partially true… I don’t want to gain any weight, but I don’t want them to be worried and rush me to the psych ward.

Have a lovely Sunday.

119 just now. Nothing to eat since last night at 6. I’ll probably have yogurt or eggs. This whole eating once a day thing has fucked my metabolism.

All I’ve done this weekend is eat and sleep. I can feel the fat growing. No more excuses. I will start working out, cooking healthy meals and engage in things that help me grow. There’s no use in wasting my life and body on things that do not better my well-being. That is all. Easy Sunday, all.

I was up three damn lbs this morning. I ate once yesterday, had a full plate but no seconds. Oh and a piece of pie. Top that off with half a Brownie this morning, and you have a fat blob— me. Ugh

Well after yesterday’s bingefest, I didn’t gain an ounce. I’m anxious to see how I will do after today..

I’ve been holding steady at 118.5 for a few days now and only eating one meal and maybe a snack a day…too bad today has been Binge City. Ugh… Tomorrow will be the same. I’m anxious but totally stoked.

I didn’t weigh this morning. Before yesterday’s binge-a-thon, I was 123. I didn’t want to start my day/week disappointed in myself. I haven’t eaten. I had a few calories in my coffee (50) and two lo-carb Monsters (32), along with 2 OxyElites and 2 20mg Vyvanse. I will take 20 mg of Prozac in an hour or so. I’m not that hungry, I just have the munchies.. :) Its cold today, so I skipped class to work on my French oral presentation. I made puppets to go along with it, too. They’re kind of crappy, but I’ll probably get extra credit. I need to study some more and clean the apartment. I’m trying to have a positive attitude about it all. I just need some good music and some motivation.

That is all. Peace.

I got a lot of compliments on how I looked last night. It made me feel really good. But I effed it all up today. Had pizza and chikfila. I feel so fat. I’m going to be way up tomorrow. Urrrgghh

118.5 (18 bmi) just now. I’m happy about that. Too bad I’m ruining it with gumbo, pretzel crisps and bloody Marys. Who knows what else I’ll get into…

Never ate today… I had <100 calories of Monster Lo-Carb and Diet Coke. My new meds make me not hungry, and I really just forgot…as dumb as that sounds. I ALWAYS think about food, but not now. Its bittersweet, really. I’m planning McDonald’s oatmeal without brown sugar and coffee. I’ve got a long day, and I don’t want to pass out. Though, one teacher is bringing pizza to class, and no telling what baked good someone may bring to work will tempt me in the morning… That didn’t make sense. Forgive me, 3 hrs of sleep, no food and caffeine jitters makes me a bit loopy. 3 hours tonight…yay. ‘Night.